THINGS YOU COULD DO AT RANDY RIVER

It’s been a while since the store existed so some of you may not remember this magical place where you could acquire a knit shirt with a horizontal stripe across the chest or later on- a button up shirt with Chinese characters, airbrush flames and either a dragon or a tiger on it. But believe it or not, it was real, and it was so much more than just a store.
Here is a short list of things you could do there:
  • Go through puberty.
  • Learn about Nu-Metal.
  • Buy a shirt with a dragon on it for your sister’s wedding.
  • Crash your 1987 Toyota Celica through the loading doors.
  • Buy bath salts from the store manager.
  • Do bath salts with the store manager.
  • Now you are the store manager.
  • Talk to the t-shirt dragons.
  • You were always the store manager.
  • Burn down the Randy River at the behest of Doug, the t-shirt dragon.
  • Flee the authorities.